The right to be heard does not automatically involve
the right to be taken seriously
We clearly take for granted so much that is sacred, and nothing is more sacred than freedom of speech. But just because you’re allowed to shoot off your mouth on any street corner, doesn’t mean we must respect what you’re saying. You have to earn that right. Freedom of speech may be an entitlement … to be taken seriously is not.
Self-Evaluation
What criteria do you use to take someone seriously?
What criteria do you use to stop listening?
Word Association
(1.) truth ………… debatable // universal // presidential
(2.) fanatic …………. deaf // limited // turn the station
(3.) gossip …………. back stab // fake news // ignore
Killjoy : Governor DeSantis, you are running for re-election in Florida in 2022, yet some say you are actually running for the presidency in 2024. Before you went into politics, you had an impressive resume – Magna Cum Laude and captain of the Yale baseball team, teaching high school history, Harvard Law School, military prosecutor. These are mainstream qualifications usually pointing towards the pinnacle of political office, the presidency.
You are clearly conservative, and from all indications, you do not take yourself lightly nor are you allergic to the spotlight. With that in mind, I have two questions to ask you today:
“If re-elected, are you willing to say that you will serve all four years of your second term as Florida’s governor?” … and second, “Why are you associated with so many extremist groups, like Mothers for Milkweed and T.U.R.B.A.?
DeSantis : I’m glad you asked me that. Yes, I am outspoken, shouldn’t everyone be outspoken? Isn’t that what the first amendment is all about? The god-given right, the ability to speak out loud? Do liberals and their collection of Wall Street whiners want to take that away, too? I assume you are proud to be an American … I’m proud to say it out loud.
Killjoy : Let me repeat my question more directly – will you run for President of the United States while serving as Governor of Florida?
DeSantis : Let me just say who doesn’t want to be president of the United States? What little boy didn’t think about that once in their lives?
Killjoy : I would imagine a lot of little boys of color.
DeSantis : To answer your question, being governor of Florida is sacred to me. If, however, I am called into action for the greater good, as a former member of the military, I would be proud to enlist to make this country whole again.
Killjoy : What about all these extremist groups who support you, like Mothers For Milkweed who believe the recent proliferation in Texas and Florida of monarch butterflies, a species that feeds exclusively on milkweed, signals the approval of God that Donald Trump should be the monarch of the free world, and that you should be his vice-president?
DeSantis : You are taking their views out of context. So they love their monarch butterflies and they also love President Trump. These are not militant people. They pose no threat to anyone.
Killjoy : What about T.U.R.B.A. and their focus on The Unborn’s Right to Bear Arms? They’re but one of many fringe groups that unlike Mothers For Milkweed have been linked to the January 6th insurrection as well as to your politics.
DeSantis : Yes, I’ve heard of them.
Killjoy : This group is saying that fetuses have the right to bear arms to protect themselves, and therefore denied of their rights, there should be no abortion. Even a few prominent members of the N.R.A. have been quoted as saying this works for them.
DeSantis : As I said, I do know of this group, but the media has made them look like they’re from California or something. I could assure you and I guess I have to, they are just ordinary people. Sure, they have their share of AR-15’s, and some are happy when abortion clinics burn down, they get carried away sometimes … don’t we all?
These are good people. They believe in the sanctity of life. They believe there is evil in the world, and they want to protect themselves and those chosen by God to come into this world.
Killjoy : Are you saying you welcome their support?
DeSantis : I’m just doing my best to be your average Harvard graduate who wants voters who’ve been ignored to have a voice … it’s as simple as that. With me, what you see is what you get – no mirrors, no fluff, no excuses for making hard choices. I can be a little ornery sometimes, but if that’s what it takes to get things done, then so be it, I’m your man.
Killjoy : Sounds like you’re running for the presidency.
I really don’t understand how he does it? Let’s start with the whole Ukraine mess. After Russia invades Ukraine using a sledgehammer to squash a butterfly, and with his eye on creating a network of high-rise Comrade Towers throughout Russia and its network of satellites, Donald Trump immediately locates Putin’s behind, plants a kiss on both cheeks, and calls Putin a genius … which if using the same criteria for calling himself a genius, isn’t exactly a compliment.
On the domestic front, as if there’s never enough to satisfy this spoiled child’s gluttonous appetite for power and attention, Trump declares that when he’s reelected, he will pardon those January 6th insurrectionists we’ve all come to love, and then doubles down by imploring his followers to mass protest if he is accused of any crimes. I wasn’t clear on that last part – was he talking about a mass protest with or without AR 15’s?
No really, how does this clown with an orange dunce cap get away with his parlor trick of making the elephant in the room disappear, the elephant being the G.O.P., the grand old party of Eisenhower, Reagan, and Bush that has evaporated before our very eyes? When will the endless procession of Donja Vu (he’s back!) die of its own top-heavy narcissism?
In spite of all the liberal wishful thinking that Trump was scarred by two impeachments, will the era of The Donald only turn out to be Political Covid where Trump wins in 2024, and we’re all then sentenced to wait ad nauseum for a less toxic political deviant to come along that doesn’t require hospitalization? Is Ron DeSantis really less toxic?
Donald Trump, the salesman who swore he’d never profit from office, the salesman who pledged to build a great wall and make Mexico pay for that wall, the salesman who promised never to take those golfing vacations like Obama … deep down, is Trump afraid of becoming a political Willie Loman, who in Death of a Salesman endures a firing, which leads him to create his own fantasy world to cope with his situation?
Sure, Donald, the election was stolen. And the 2024 election will be stolen as well, unless of course, you’re the one who wins.
Donald Trump, the empty vessel with the hollow soul, a petty man with no real moral compass, the prep school brat acting in defeat like we thought he might – a politically wounded animal instinctively diving Code Red into denial only to continue to be a fallen cartoon led by his armadildo brain who as President of the United States told us
On His Daughter Ivanka– “She has a nice figure, and if she weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her” ** “I’m the one who likes golf, but we both like sex” ** “She’d make a great president … she’d make a great playmate”
On The Environment – “Windmills cause ear cancer” ** “There’s no such thing as climate change – it’s just that there’s a cooling and there’s a heating” ** “The ice caps aren’t melting, they’re spreading out”
On Politics – “I like people who weren’t captured” ** “The big difference between me and other political candidates is my women are more beautiful” ** “So many people love me, they really do, they love me … who can blame them?”
On The Pandemic – “It’s apparently one person coming in from China, it’s under control” ** “Covid will disappear like a miracle” ** “What about disinfectant, what about sunlight?” ** “The flu is worse”
On Himself – “I’m a very stable genius” ** “My primary consultant is myself” ** “My I.Q. is one of the highest – I’m like very bright” ** (on Thanksgiving in 2018) “I guess I’m most thankful for myself.”
There is one more quote, an indelible footprint on American society which might partially explain to those in the future the cancer that passes for politics in the 21st century. “I could shoot someone and not lose any voters.” By any standard, that is the most soulless statement ever uttered in American politics. Unfortunately, he was telling the truth.
Donald Trump is trying to murder elections, yet if he runs again, he’ll get 70,000,000 votes. He’ll urge his flock to rant and rave and arrest someone. He’ll pose on elevated stadium podiums with his Mussolini chin-butting and shameless self-licking as if he’s looking in the mirror.
Who in your neighborhood is willing to say out loud not only does the emperor wear no clothes, but the emperor is delusional, a sick puppy, a human knock-off with a schoolyard score to settle. Am I being too blunt? When will the constant war of vitriolic politics fanned by outsized egos and limitless money finally return to the political dumpster from where it came?
Yes, we are all tired of wars – bullet wars, climate wars, culture wars, wars about territory, wars about children, wars about respect. And we’re all tired of costs – the cost of food, the cost of health, the cost of racism, the cost of ignorance. All of us are so tired of so many things that the list seems endless … until we face the bottom of that list and we come to whether we are tired of ourselves.
This political showdown at the I’m Ok, You’re Not OK Corral is a big one. Are we really too tired to participate in local politics? Are we really too broke to donate to causes that confront our biggest fears, like climate change or the slow-moving coup of a right-wing wet dream? Will we fall in line behind the bully in the schoolyard, or will we face up to him knowing it’s the right thing to do?
I’m not talking about being a worthy Republican or Democrat here. I’m asking are we willing to accept the ultra conservative attempt to redefine Democracy and one of its sacrosanct principles – the right to vote? Are we really willing to accept that good people will be left out and disenfranchised because they’re scared of voting in person, or they don’t have the time or energy to jump through the hoops of prejudice and politics? People who earn a living, raise children, perhaps are elderly, all of whom deserve our respect.
I’m wondering will the Left be able to organize effectively after a Republican sweep of all three branches of government, or will neutered progressives become political flotsam as the coveted ecumenical tent of the Democratic party looks in the mirror and sees itself shrinking?
I’m asking whether a gerrymandered future of an unsuspecting public that once sang ‘this land is your land, this land is my land‘ will produce a cul-de-sac of faith with nowhere to go and blood in the streets?
Understand this – the difficult days aren’t even here yet. If Trump wins in 2024 along with a Republican majority, there will be an unprecedented scorched earth policy. Schools will be told what to teach, votes will be counted behind closed doors, judges will be selected with pre-ordained verdicts.
Actually, let’s face it … the Republicans always accuse their friends the Democrats of the exact same thing. That’s the way both sides roll as we all ride this political clown car to an uncertain future.
Prepare yourself. The future may include taking an inventory of where you live. It’s never too early to make sure your town and state matches your gang color.
I really don’t understand how he does it? Let’s start with the whole Ukraine mess. After Russia invades Ukraine using a sledgehammer to squash a butterfly, and with his eye on creating a network of high-rise Comrade Towers throughout Russia and its network of satellites, Donald Trump immediately locates Putin’s behind, plants a kiss on both cheeks, and calls Putin a genius … which if using the same criteria for calling himself a genius, isn’t exactly a compliment.
On the domestic front, as if there’s never enough to satisfy this spoiled child’s gluttonous appetite for power and attention, Trump declares that when he’s reelected, he will pardon those January 6th insurrectionists we’ve all come to love, and then doubles down by imploring his followers to mass protest if he is accused of any crimes. I wasn’t clear on that last part – was he talking about a mass protest with or without AR 15’s?
No really, how does this clown with an orange dunce cap get away with his parlor trick of making the elephant in the room disappear, the elephant being the G.O.P., the grand old party of Eisenhower, Reagan, and Bush that has evaporated before our very eyes? When will the endless procession of Donja Vu (he’s back!) die of its own top-heavy narcissism?
In spite of all the liberal wishful thinking that Trump was scarred by two impeachments, will the era of The Donald only turn out to be Political Covid where Trump wins in 2024, and we’re all then sentenced to wait ad nauseum for a less toxic political deviant to come along that doesn’t require hospitalization? Is Ron DeSantis really less toxic?
Donald Trump, the salesman who swore he’d never profit from office, the salesman who pledged to build a great wall and make Mexico pay for that wall, the salesman who promised never to take those golfing vacations like Obama … deep down, is Trump afraid of becoming a political Willie Loman, who in Death of a Salesman endures a firing, which leads him to create his own fantasy world to cope with his situation?
Sure, Donald, the election was stolen. And the 2024 election will be stolen as well, unless of course, you’re the one who wins.
Donald Trump, the empty vessel with the hollow soul, a petty man with no real moral compass, the prep school brat acting in defeat like we thought he might – a politically wounded animal instinctively diving Code Red into denial only to continue to be a fallen cartoon led by his armadildo brain who as President of the United States told us
On His Daughter Ivanka– “She has a nice figure, and if she weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her” ** “I’m the one who likes golf, but we both like sex” ** “She’d make a great president … she’d make a great playmate”
On The Environment – “Windmills cause ear cancer” ** “There’s no such thing as climate change – it’s just that there’s a cooling and there’s a heating” ** “The ice caps aren’t melting, they’re spreading out”
On Politics – “I like people who weren’t captured” ** “The big difference between me and other political candidates is my women are more beautiful” ** “So many people love me, they really do, they love me … who can blame them?”
On The Pandemic – “It’s apparently one person coming in from China, it’s under control” ** “Covid will disappear like a miracle” ** “What about disinfectant, what about sunlight?” ** “The flu is worse”
On Himself – “I’m a very stable genius” ** “My primary consultant is myself” ** “My I.Q. is one of the highest – I’m like very bright” ** (on Thanksgiving in 2018) “I guess I’m most thankful for myself.”
There is one more quote, an indelible footprint on American society which might partially explain to those in the future the cancer that passes for politics in the 21st century. “I could shoot someone and not lose any voters.” By any standard, that is the most soulless statement ever uttered in American politics. Unfortunately, he was telling the truth.
Donald Trump is trying to murder elections, yet if he runs again, he’ll get 70,000,000 votes. He’ll urge his flock to rant and rave and arrest someone. He’ll pose on elevated stadium podiums with his Mussolini chin-butting and shameless self-licking as if he’s looking in the mirror.
Who in your neighborhood is willing to say out loud not only does the emperor wear no clothes, but the emperor is delusional, a sick puppy, a human knock-off with a schoolyard score to settle. Am I being too blunt? When will the constant war of vitriolic politics fanned by outsized egos and limitless money finally return to the political dumpster from where it came?
Yes, we are all tired of wars – bullet wars, climate wars, culture wars, wars about territory, wars about children, wars about respect. And we’re all tired of costs – the cost of food, the cost of health, the cost of racism, the cost of ignorance. All of us are so tired of so many things that the list seems endless … until we face the bottom of that list and we come to whether we are tired of ourselves.
This political showdown at the I’m Ok, You’re Not OK Corral is a big one. Are we really too tired to participate in local politics? Are we really too broke to donate to causes that confront our biggest fears, like climate change or the slow-moving coup of a right-wing wet dream? Will we fall in line behind the bully in the schoolyard, or will we face up to him knowing it’s the right thing to do?
I’m not talking about being a worthy Republican or Democrat here. I’m asking are we willing to accept the ultra conservative attempt to redefine Democracy and one of its sacrosanct principles – the right to vote? Are we really willing to accept that good people will be left out and disenfranchised because they’re scared of voting in person, or they don’t have the time or energy to jump through the hoops of prejudice and politics? People who earn a living, raise children, perhaps are elderly, all of whom deserve our respect.
I’m wondering will the Left be able to organize effectively after a Republican sweep of all three branches of government, or will neutered progressives become political flotsam as the coveted ecumenical tent of the Democratic party looks in the mirror and sees itself shrinking?
I’m asking whether a gerrymandered future of an unsuspecting public that once sang ‘this land is your land, this land is my land‘ will produce a cul-de-sac of faith with nowhere to go and blood in the streets?
Understand this – the difficult days aren’t even here yet. If Trump wins in 2024 along with a Republican majority, there will be an unprecedented scorched earth policy. Schools will be told what to teach, votes will be counted behind closed doors, judges will be selected with pre-ordained verdicts.
Actually, let’s face it … the Republicans always accuse their friends the Democrats of the exact same thing. That’s the way both sides roll as we all ride this political clown car to an uncertain future.
Prepare yourself. The future may include taking an inventory of where you live. It’s never too early to make sure your town and state matches your gang color.
Hermione
Vanilla
This land is your land, this land is my land
Baked News
Reporter Agnes Killjoy
Interview with Ron DeSantis
Killjoy : Governor DeSantis, you are running for re-election in Florida in 2022, yet some say you are actually running for the presidency in 2024. Before you went into politics, you had an impressive resume – Magna Cum Laude and captain of the Yale baseball team, teaching high school history, Harvard Law School, military prosecutor. These are mainstream qualifications usually pointing towards the pinnacle of political office, the presidency.
You are clearly conservative, and from all indications, you do not take yourself lightly nor are you allergic to the spotlight. With that in mind, I have two questions to ask you today:
“If re-elected, are you willing to say that you will serve all four years of your second term as Florida’s governor?” … and second, “Why are you associated with so many extremist groups, like Mothers for Milkweed and T.U.R.B.A.?
DeSantis : I’m glad you asked me that. Yes, I am outspoken, shouldn’t everyone be outspoken? Isn’t that what the first amendment is all about? The god-given right, the ability to speak out loud? Do liberals and their collection of Wall Street whiners want to take that away, too? I assume you are proud to be an American … I’m proud to say it out loud.
Killjoy : Let me repeat my question more directly – will you run for President of the United States while serving as Governor of Florida?
DeSantis : Let me just say who doesn’t want to be president of the United States? What little boy didn’t think about that once in their lives?
Killjoy : I would imagine a lot of little boys of color.
DeSantis : To answer your question, being governor of Florida is sacred to me. If, however, I am called into action for the greater good, as a former member of the military, I would be proud to enlist to make this country whole again.
Killjoy : What about all these extremist groups who support you, like Mothers For Milkweed who believe the recent proliferation in Texas and Florida of monarch butterflies, a species that feeds exclusively on milkweed, signals the approval of God that Donald Trump should be the monarch of the free world, and that you should be his vice-president?
DeSantis : You are taking their views out of context. So they love their monarch butterflies and they also love President Trump. These are not militant people. They pose no threat to anyone.
Killjoy : What about T.U.R.B.A. and their focus on The Unborn’s Right to Bear Arms? They’re but one of many fringe groups that unlike Mothers For Milkweed have been linked to the January 6th insurrection as well as to your politics.
DeSantis : Yes, I’ve heard of them.
Killjoy : This group is saying that fetuses have the right to bear arms to protect themselves, and therefore denied of their rights, there should be no abortion. Even a few prominent members of the N.R.A. have been quoted as saying this works for them.
DeSantis : As I said, I do know of this group, but the media has made them look like they’re from California or something. I could assure you and I guess I have to, they are just ordinary people. Sure, they have their share of AR-15’s, and some are happy when abortion clinics burn down, they get carried away sometimes … don’t we all?
These are good people. They believe in the sanctity of life. They believe there is evil in the world, and they want to protect themselves and those chosen by God to come into this world.
Killjoy : Are you saying you welcome their support?
DeSantis : I’m just doing my best to be your average Harvard graduate who wants voters who’ve been ignored to have a voice … it’s as simple as that. With me, what you see is what you get – no mirrors, no fluff, no excuses for making hard choices. I can be a little ornery sometimes, but if that’s what it takes to get things done, then so be it, I’m your man.
Killjoy : Sounds like you’re running for the presidency.
DeSantis : Just trying to stay in shape.
Buddha ben Buddha
Free Speech
The right to be heard does not automatically involve
the right to be taken seriously
We clearly take for granted so much that is sacred, and nothing is more sacred than freedom of speech. But just because you’re allowed to shoot off your mouth on any street corner, doesn’t mean we must respect what you’re saying. You have to earn that right. Freedom of speech may be an entitlement … to be taken seriously is not.
Self-Evaluation
What criteria do you use to take someone seriously?
What criteria do you use to stop listening?
Word Association
(1.) truth ………… debatable // universal // presidential
(2.) fanatic …………. deaf // limited // turn the station
(3.) gossip …………. back stab // fake news // ignore
Our third grader recently announced at the dinner table that he wanted a condom. When my husband questioned him, our son had no idea what a condom was. He thought a condom was a credit card. What should I be more worried about, that he wants a condom or that he wants a credit card?
– Should we be scared? / Boston, Mass
Dear Yes You Should –
I guess it’s actually come to this – third grade condoms and credit cards. First of all, I’m in the camp where educating your child on sex is much like teaching your child to eat lobster … you want them to eventually know the taste, but you hold out as long as you can because you don’t want to pay for it.
But I do believe that once you no longer can get away with telling your children that Mommy and Daddy are wrestling, it’s far better for the conversation to be within the family circle as opposed to the Internet or the peer group.
As far as a credit card is concerned, I’m actually more worried about inappropriate spending than I’m worried about inappropriate sex. With that said, let’s hit the true basics of parenting – for my money, the whole game in raising children comes down to two words, ‘love’ and ‘identity’.
The love part can be tricky. Although many parents may be doing everything they can for their children in the name of love, some never experienced parents who could express their feelings, or didn’t know how to describe their feelings, so genetically launching the love boat can be difficult. On the other hand, and somewhat ironically, oftentimes children can teach their parents how to say and mean I love you. Not all has been lost in modern times.
The key to identity is self-confidence, and the cornerstones of identity are – pride in family, developing the courage to challenge yourself, not being afraid of change, knowing how to deal with and admit mistakes … along with these accessible ideals, begin teaching your children at an early age about planning, working hard, and dreaming about what makes them happy and fulfilled. After these foundational basics, there will be plenty of time to deal with condoms and credit cards.
Polly
Dear Polly –
My husband is unemployed. At this point, he has no choice but to change careers. So now, after I leave for work every day and then come home with his favorite groceries, I find that he’s been spending the entire day on the Internet, which worries me Polly, it worries me a lot. The man lives in GoogleLand.
He says he’s looking at websites for a job and I’m thinking yeh right, a job with big boobs. And then after twenty-six weeks of unemployment research, guess what happens? He finally decides that he knows what he wants to be. So we spend all this money for a big meal and he announces to me and to friends of ours who came with us that he wants to be a guru. I’m not making this up, Polly, I swear.
Specifically, he’s decided he wants to be a part-time guru, three days a week, preferably not on Wednesdays, and he wants to look into renting an open space at Wal-Mart next to loans. Now Polly, on the surface, I know all of this makes sense – he’s a people person, he enjoys being fawned over, and he has Venmo.
But am I missing some piece of the puzzle here? He wants to be a guru at Wal-Mart. I told him sure, if I get to be Meryl Streep.
– In Googleland, The Dalles, Oregon
Dear GoogleLand,
Oddly enough, there is good money in being a guru. Two of my friends are gurus and the key to forward earnings in guruhood is to teach others to be gurus themselves. It’s sort of like Amway meets Buddhism with a touch of Madoff. And ironically, a good marriage may also include the same formula.
The Amway component is that all marriages are a family business and emotional cleansing products are always useful … the Buddhism component involves mutual respect and the grace of acceptance – a guru respecting the client (partner) and accepting financial reimbursement (praise) when earned … the touch of Madoff is that financially, life has become a chain letter which pays for today at the expense of tomorrow
So my advice is go ahead, encourage him to be a guru. At least he doesn’t want to run for office. And don’t give up on Meryl Streep. – Polly
Dear Polly Peepers –
Our three-year-old still does not sleep through the night and we are becoming concerned. I am breastfeeding his six-month-old sister, and it’s been suggested that I also breastfeed our three year old when he has trouble sleeping. Do you have any opinion on that?
– Exhausted, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Dear Exhausted –
My forty-six-year-old husband doesn’t sleep through the night either, even though there is enough natural gas in our bedroom to euthanize a baseball stadium. You may want to try some of the things I do – make sure your child doesn’t eat upsetting foods before bed (tomatoes, cheese, fruit, vodka) … tell your child a pleasing story before bed or in my case how I saved three dollars at Food King by buying a body size bag of potato chips.
Of course, breastfeeding is a popular option for calming children as well as putting them to sleep. But I disagree with the popular notion that children will know on their own when to stop breastfeeding. Leaving my husband out of this, I believe a child should be breastfed no more than one year, even if the feeding puts your child to sleep.
– Polly
Amy’s Guide to Staying In
Amy Lighthouse is a self-described over-achiever, who worked at Snapchat and Apple before going into venture capital. During the initial Covid onslaught, she wrote for The Lemonade Stand offering strategies of how to cope with quarantine and staying in. Her recipes and cable television suggestions have boosted the spirits of numerous households who credit Amy with keeping a number of families from harming each other.
Cody & Mary’s Lemon Ginger Kombucha
*** Ingredients ***
Primary Fermentation
– 1 Scoby
– 1 gallon fermenting jar
– Medium saucepan
– 8 cups filtered water
– 1-1 ¼ cup sugar
– 10-12 tea bags of black tea (to taste)
– Coffee filter or cheesecloth
– Rubber band
Secondary Fermentation
– 2-4 teaspoons ginger to taste (or any juice)
– (10) lemons to taste (or any juice)
– (6) 16 0z bottles
– Funnel
– [Optional) tea steeper (for ginger)
Primary Fermentation Instructions
Boil 8 cups of water in saucepan. Add tea (10) teabags or (2) 2 ½ tablespoons of loose black tea to taste). Must have mostly black tea, other teas can be added for flavor, but the culture needs black tea to ferment. Steep tea to the desired taste or recommended on teabag. Stir in sugar.
Reduce sweetened tea to 80 degrees or to room temperature. Pour sweetened tea into fermenting jar. Add filtered water to tea mixture to top of jar. Pour SCOBY with starter liquid on top of cooled tea (liquid must be below 80 degrees or SCOBY will die).
Put coffee filter over top of jar and secure with rubber band and put in a cool dark place to ferment. Fermenting can last 7-20+ days, ferment to taste; over time the kombucha will taste more sour and eventually turn into vinegar.
Taste after 7 days and every other day until desired flavor is reached.
Secondary Fermentation Instructions
Once the Kombucha has reached optimal taste, it is time to bottle. With clean hands, put the SCOBY and baby SCOBY (separately) into glass jars with 2 cups of the tea, they can both be used for future batches.
It is now time add juice to the Kombucha for flavor and to add carbonation. Rule of thumb is 15-20% juice to 85-80% Kombucha.
For lemon ginger tea, put 2-4 teaspoons of ginger into teabags or tea steeper and put into 1 cup of hot water. Add juice of 8-10 lemons to taste. Use funnel to pour lemon-ginger mix into each of the 6 bottles to 15-20% of the bottle.
Use funnel to pour Kombucha to 1-2 inches before top of bottle. Secure top and store for 7-30 days until desired carbonation is reached.
Dr. Vanilla
Dr. Vanilla’s first DJ gig was The Thrilla in Vanilla in 1992 after which he went on to be a total unknown. Today, the Doctor presents two clips taken from Amy’s Answering Machine, an audio CD by Amy Borkowsky featuring a hilarious sequence of pleas from a daughter asking her mother to stop trying to control her daughter’s life. The entire recording can be purchased new or used from Amazon.
Amy Lighthouse is a self-described over-achiever, who worked at Snapchat and Apple before going into venture capital. During the initial Covid onslaught, she wrote for The Lemonade Stand offering strategies of how to cope with quarantine and staying in. Her recipes and cable television suggestions have boosted the spirits of numerous households who credit Amy with keeping a number of families from harming each other.
Cody & Mary’s Lemon Ginger Kombucha
*** Ingredients ***
Primary Fermentation
– 1 Scoby
– 1 gallon fermenting jar
– Medium saucepan
– 8 cups filtered water
– 1-1 ¼ cup sugar
– 10-12 tea bags of black tea (to taste)
– Coffee filter or cheesecloth
– Rubber band
Secondary Fermentation
– 2-4 teaspoons ginger to taste (or any juice)
– (10) lemons to taste (or any juice)
– (6) 16 0z bottles
– Funnel
– [Optional) tea steeper (for ginger)
Primary Fermentation Instructions
Boil 8 cups of water in saucepan. Add tea (10) teabags or (2) 2 ½ tablespoons of loose black tea to taste). Must have mostly black tea, other teas can be added for flavor, but the culture needs black tea to ferment. Steep tea to the desired taste or recommended on teabag. Stir in sugar.
Reduce sweetened tea to 80 degrees or to room temperature. Pour sweetened tea into fermenting jar. Add filtered water to tea mixture to top of jar. Pour SCOBY with starter liquid on top of cooled tea (liquid must be below 80 degrees or SCOBY will die).
Put coffee filter over top of jar and secure with rubber band and put in a cool dark place to ferment. Fermenting can last 7-20+ days, ferment to taste; over time the kombucha will taste more sour and eventually turn into vinegar.
Taste after 7 days and every other day until desired flavor is reached.
Secondary Fermentation Instructions
Once the Kombucha has reached optimal taste, it is time to bottle. With clean hands, put the SCOBY and baby SCOBY (separately) into glass jars with 2 cups of the tea, they can both be used for future batches.
It is now time add juice to the Kombucha for flavor and to add carbonation. Rule of thumb is 15-20% juice to 85-80% Kombucha.
For lemon ginger tea, put 2-4 teaspoons of ginger into teabags or tea steeper and put into 1 cup of hot water. Add juice of 8-10 lemons to taste. Use funnel to pour lemon-ginger mix into each of the 6 bottles to 15-20% of the bottle.
Use funnel to pour Kombucha to 1-2 inches before top of bottle. Secure top and store for 7-30 days until desired carbonation is reached.
Our third grader recently announced at the dinner table that he wanted a condom. When my husband questioned him, our son had no idea what a condom was. He thought a condom was a credit card. What should I be more worried about, that he wants a condom or that he wants a credit card?
– Should we be scared? / Boston, Mass
Dear Yes You Should –
I guess it’s actually come to this – third grade condoms and credit cards. First of all, I’m in the camp where educating your child on sex is much like teaching your child to eat lobster … you want them to eventually know the taste, but you hold out as long as you can because you don’t want to pay for it.
But I do believe that once you no longer can get away with telling your children that Mommy and Daddy are wrestling, it’s far better for the conversation to be within the family circle as opposed to the Internet or the peer group.
As far as a credit card is concerned, I’m actually more worried about inappropriate spending than I’m worried about inappropriate sex. With that said, let’s hit the true basics of parenting – for my money, the whole game in raising children comes down to two words, ‘love’ and ‘identity’.
The love part can be tricky. Although many parents may be doing everything they can for their children in the name of love, some never experienced parents who could express their feelings, or didn’t know how to describe their feelings, so genetically launching the love boat can be difficult. On the other hand, and somewhat ironically, oftentimes children can teach their parents how to say and mean I love you. Not all has been lost in modern times.
The key to identity is self-confidence, and here are the four horsemen – pride in family, developing the courage to challenge yourself, not being afraid of change, knowing how to deal with and admit mistakes … along with these accessible ideals, begin teaching your children at an early age about planning, working hard, and dreaming about what makes them happy and fulfilled. After these foundational basics, there will be plenty of time to deal with condoms and credit cards.
Polly
Dear Polly –
My husband is unemployed. At this point, he has no choice but to change careers. So now, after I leave for work every day and then come home with his favorite groceries, I find that he’s been spending the entire day on the Internet, which worries me Polly, it worries me a lot. The man lives in GoogleLand.
He says he’s looking at websites for a job and I’m thinking yeh right, a job with big boobs. And then after twenty-six weeks of unemployment research, guess what happens? He finally decides that he knows what he wants to be. So we spend all this money for a big meal and he announces to me and to friends of ours who came with us that he wants to be a guru. I’m not making this up, Polly, I swear.
Specifically, he’s decided he wants to be a part-time guru, three days a week, preferably not on Wednesdays, and he wants to look into renting an open space at Wal-Mart next to loans. Now Polly, on the surface, I know all of this makes sense – he’s a people person, he enjoys being fawned over, and he has Venmo.
But am I missing some piece of the puzzle here? He wants to be a guru at Wal-Mart. I told him sure, if I get to be Meryl Streep.
– In Googleland, The Dalles, Oregon
Dear GoogleLand,
Oddly enough, there is good money in being a guru. Two of my friends are gurus and the key to forward earnings in guruhood is to teach others to be gurus themselves. It’s sort of like Amway meets Buddhism with a touch of Madoff. And ironically, a good marriage may also include the same formula.
The Amway component is that all marriages are a family business and emotional cleansing products are always useful … the Buddhism component involves mutual respect and the grace of acceptance – a guru respecting the client (partner) and accepting financial reimbursement (praise) when earned … the touch of Madoff is that financially, life has become a chain letter which pays for today at the expense of tomorrow
So my advice is go ahead, encourage him to be a guru. At least he doesn’t want to run for office. And don’t give up on Meryl Streep. Polly
Dear Polly Peepers –
Our three-year-old still does not sleep through the night and we are becoming concerned. I am breastfeeding his six-month-old sister, and it’s been suggested that I also breastfeed our three year old when he has trouble sleeping. Do you have any opinion on that?
– Exhausted, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Dear Exhausted –
My forty-six-year-old husband doesn’t sleep through the night either, even though there is enough natural gas in our bedroom to euthanize a baseball stadium. You may want to try some of the things I do – make sure your child doesn’t eat upsetting foods before bed (tomatoes, cheese, fruit, vodka) … tell your child a pleasing story before bed or in my case how I saved three dollars at Food King by buying a body size bag of potato chips.
Of course, breastfeeding is a popular option for calming children as well as putting them to sleep. But I disagree with the popular notion that children will know on their own when to stop breastfeeding. Leaving my husband out of this, I believe a child should be breastfed no more than one year, even if the feeding puts your child to sleep.
Take this new round of Covid with its wonderful Omicron variant. Maybe we didn’t see this new virus actually coming, but c’mon, didn’t we sense something just around the corner? Didn’t we intuit our truce with this pandemic was inherently fragile? If once again we have to hunker down for the winter, how do we do this as a culture? What did we learn from previous battles? What seemed to work last time and what didn’t?
Let’s begin by stating the obvious – even before Covid, trust in government has been dead on arrival for decades. We’ve been mired in an age of social and political polarity featuring both political belligerence and social entitlement, and the opportunity schism that keeps them far apart. The belligerence side comes from so many of us either being left out, overwhelmed, overdrawn, the wrong color, the wrong sex, standing up to be heard, or standing in line for our meds … all while the far less populated side of entitled Americana eats at expensive restaurants, drives elitist cars, sends their children to pedigree colleges, and pays $400 to see the Lakers. So what is the answer? Anyone with some good ideas?
I’m told that America wants to be great again. That sounds good. There are so many of us who fear for our children and our children’s children that the best will no longer be ‘yet to come’. How can we get back on the right track? Where do we start? Is there any way we can make better use of our lemons?
If we do want the best to come, may I suggest while we’re making America great again, why not make Science great again as well? That’s my New Year’s resolution, to be part of a clear and passionate voice helping to make Science a respected and vital player in life, something akin to truth but open to and seeking improvement. Truth and improvement – ah yes, we can dream a little can’t we?
Let’s get back to what worked during the first Covid winter – a few possibilities come to mind. Look at what big deals very simple things became. Like taking a walk. Reading a book. Enjoying a new recipe. Having a friend. Who would have thought such simple acts would stake their claim to be the golden rings on the carousel?
Those insights and the possibility of a place in our lives for humility are important because here are the ongoing problems that await us, intent upon continuing to divide us even if we defeat the virus – racism, sexism, school shootings, a huge national debt, and the most formidable of all, climate change … there are no vaccines for any of this.
And this whole thing about life being a glass half empty or half full? It’s no longer a matter of which half we choose. It’s a matter of whether we have the actual wherewithal to keep the glass from leaking … whether we are up to the task of preserving the usefulness of the glass itself, as in the challenge of climate change and whether we are capable of not squandering the future.
How do we do keep the glass from leaking? I hate to use the word ‘duh’ here, but the first step to Stop The Leak is to get vaccinated. Then, after we hopefully wade through this self-made political sewer, we can move on to the plethora of systemic problems we faced before viruses made us their bitch.
Those are my thoughts for the day and a new year … and now that I review them, I’m starting to figure out why I don’t date much.
All the best, Hermione
Reporter Agnes Killjoy
The subject of Presidential Executive Privilege has been a hot topic for almost a year now. What can you say to the American people to convince them that as a former president, you have the right to keep private all of your administration’s information pertaining to the January 6th insurrection?
The Mar-a-Lago Reply
Look Agnes, I can call you Agnes can’t I? I can call you Agnes, yet somehow you feel comfortable calling me the ‘former’ president – just like the people you work for, your editors and that name they call me, ‘the former’, who are very bad people by the way, the people you work for, very bad. They should be in movies those people, and I can tell you, they’re the kind of people good people love to hate, myself included.
Let me pass along something about the real world, Agnes. Life is not a love-in, no it’s not, it’s not a love-in. And if things go wrong like they do for so many people, for so many fabulous people … people need to hate things, they need to, and there are so many people without a voice out there. If they don’t have someone to hate for them, then what? Think about it. Then what?
What if, I mean, we can do other things when we get up in the morning, orange juice maybe, but hating the enemy is part of life. When I get up, the first thing I do is think about my enemies. I do it instead of working out.
So you call me the former president. Look at me, do I look like a ‘former’ anything?My memory is like flypaper it’s so good. My hair is still orange, my doctor says I’m not obese, what’s there not to … I love the Jews by the way. Do I look like any kind of former? Look close, but don’t touch me. Have people ever really needed to touch one another? I was so far ahead, so far ahead of Covid.
Agnes, face it … half the country still considers me the real president. What can I say? The people love me, they love me, they’re very very incredible, don’t you think? The people? It’s like a rock star except I don’t have to do the drug part. And I also like the word very very, it’s one word right? I don’t know why, I just really love that word.
So let me ask you this – what are you going to do with all those people who love me and consider me their president? My people. What are you going to do with them once people like you make this country communist? Half of this country, they hate you, they don’t trust you, they know that you and the Press lie to make a living. Look Agnes, I can appreciate stretching things a bit – I’m in Real Estate – but what are you going to do with my people?
Killjoy: We are off-topic here, my question is about executive privilege.
Trump: You really want me to talk about executive privilege? I can do that. I can talk about executive privilege. No one knows more about executive privilege than I do. In the old days, executive privilege meant you had your own bathroom. We’re not just talking about special bathrooms though, are we Agnes? Let me put it this way, I think that all executives and what they do in their bathrooms is up to them.
And when you think about it, politics is just one big bathroom, isn’t it? Politics is this one big bathroom with rows and rows of stalls where elected officials dump their agendas and try to make believe the place doesn’t stink.
As far as what is recorded, my papers, what I said or might have said, look – ‘what I say’ and ‘when I say it’ has always been a mystery to me. I have no idea what I’m going to say next, and frankly, I don’t believe I said what I just said! That’s why people love me. That’s why I love myself. Some people say it’s a sign of being very, very smart and I agree with them. Not all of us can be wrong. That’s just who I am, not being wrong.
You call it an insurrection, I call it patriotism. If good citizens want to protest at the Capitol, that’s their right. So a few of them get pushy. Kids at rock concerts get pushy too. People at rock concerts die too. Are you going to charge everyone with treason?
Confiscating my administration’s information is stealing. The Democrats are thieves, pure and simple. There’s a website with Democratic family trees that shows their relatives were thieves also. That’s how it happens, through gene stuff, the stealing thing. They can’t be trusted with our money, or with our information. Does that answer your question?
Maybe this – here’s what I’ll do, Agnes … half of America thinks I’m the president. So I’ll give the Democrats half my papers. I have a lot of papers. I’ll give them half. It’s the art of the deal.
AMY’S GUIDE TO STAYING IN
Amy Lighthouse is a self-described over-achiever, who worked at Snapchat and Apple before going into venture capital. During the initial Covid onslaught, she wrote for The Lemonade Stand offering strategies of how to cope with quarantine and staying in. Her recipes and cable television suggestions have boosted the spirits of numerous households who credit Amy with keeping a number of families from harming each other.
GREEK LEMON CHICKEN BOWLS WITH SIZZLED MINT GODDESS SAUCE
sliced avocado, Persian cucumbers, olives, and basil, for serving
Sizzled Mint Goddess Sauce
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon chopped fresh mint
1 cup plain Greek Yogurt
1/2 cup fresh basil or parsley, chopped
juice from 1 lemon/1 jalapeño, halved and seeded
1 teaspoon cumin
kosher salt
Instructions
1. In a gallon size zip top bag, combine the chicken, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, paprika, oregano, shallots, garlic, lemon juice, lemon zest, crushed red pepper, and a large pinch of salt. Marinate for 15 minutes or up to overnight in the fridge.
2. Meanwhile, make the yogurt. Heat the olive oil in a small skillet over medium heat. When the oil shimmers, remove from the heat and stir in the mint, it will sizzle up. Then set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, combine the yogurt, basil, lemon juice, jalapeño, cumin, and a pinch of salt.
4. Set your grill, grill pan or skillet to medium-high heat. Take skewers and thread the chicken pieces on. Alternately, you can roast the chicken at 400 degrees for 20-30 minutes.
5. Grill the skewers until lightly charred and cooked through, turning them occasionally throughout cooking, about 10 to 12 minutes total.
6. To serve, spread the yogurt sauce onto plates and drizzle with the mint oil. Add the orzo, peppers, feta, avocado, cucumbers, olives, and chicken. Sprinkle on some greens and herbs. Enjoy!
The Lemonade Stand
The Lemonade Stand is proud to announce the availability of a new novel.
Virgin Rodeo
For most of his life, 44-year-old Henry Drudge was the epitome of being ordinary. Tethered to his insecurities, he often found himself residing in a perpetual whirlpool of self-doubt, consequently becoming a man who made no one’s speed dial. This would all change when Henry gathered the courage to make a citizen’s arrest.
During the Covid pandemic of 2020, Henry travels along the lower half of the California coastline from Monterey to Big Sur to La Jolla, intent upon breaking up an underage sex ring centered in his hometown of Santa Barbara. Henry would first have to buy a gun as backup, and then figure out who to arrest. He never claimed he knew what he was doing.
Best served with mixed greens, cucumbers, walnuts, avocado, and feta on top!
Ingredients:
– equal parts: juice of 3 limes & olive oil – (start with 3 limes and match the amount w/ olive oil) – 3 tablespoons feta – tablespoons dijon mustard – Healthy amount of salt & pepper
Directions:
Put the ingredients above in a blender or food processor and blend until creamy. Adjust ingredients to your liking.
Mr. President, you say that the reason we have so many cases of Covid-19 is because we are testing more. Sir, my question is this – if we didn’t test anyone, what would that mean? Would the disease go away?
The Trump Response
I’m glad you asked me that. You’re new here, aren’t you? Get ready for a beautiful answer. Testing is just not as important as it used to be. Most tests are rigged in the first place so that’s one thing. Except the Cogitive Test, the one I recently took which showed that no president has been more cogitive than I am, that’s not rigged … I aced it.
I admit the first question – Are you here? – isn’t that difficult, but the last question was a bear. It’s not that easy to draw one.
All I know is this – testing for Covid is not the answer. In fact, people tell me that it’s very possible some of the tests are contagious. People go in feeling fine, they take the test, and then two days later they’re sick. What gives? What’s with that?
… Next question.
Correspondent Agnes Killjoy
The White House Press Secretary has told us that you have absolutely no animosity concerning Dr. Anthony Fauci, the country’s top epidemiologist. Although the Press Secretary’s pants were on fire at the time, can you corroborate that? And if so, why is Dr. Fauci’s office now on a Filopino island?
The Trump Response
First of all, it’s a gorgeous set-up, like Vegas or something … it’s all class, I insisted on that. He’s got cable, there’s a Wendy’s, he’s got ‘room service’ if you know what I mean, the man could want for nothing. That said, I think this whole thing has become overblown, it’s all fake news … what’s-his-name and I are on excellent terms.
Really, I like short people. And Jews. He’s Jewish, right? Some of my best former friends are Jews. I love them and they love me. And I don’t mind if he’s as intelligent as I am, it doesn’t threaten me one bit. I’ve been there before, I can handle the heat as long as it doesn’t get near my hair – that could go nuclear.
Besides, I’ve seen the director’s I.Q. test – I made Barr give him one. I’m good … the guy who takes my test has him beat. Next question.
Correspondent Killjoy
Please comment on your recent pardon of Roger Stone, your longtime political advisor who admitted under oath that he was lying to a grand jury. Some people have raised concern that you are abusing your power as President.
What do you say to that? And what do you say to the people who think this is only the first of many questionable pardons to come?
The Trump Response
Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a monkey?
I mean you’re white so I can say that, right?
It isn’t racist because you know, you were born here.
Lying is relative. My father taught me that profit is the proof of truth – I’ll never forget when he told me that … I think he was spanking me at the time. In real estate, what one person might call ‘lying’, another might call a negotiating tactic. I think Roger was simply negotiating.
If you ask me, Roger is a victim of those sunglasses he wears. He can’t see crapola. That’s why I fired him. The guy could never see far ahead enough to get a good parking space. But he’s a good soldier, and I like uniforms, I really do. Why can’t civilians have more uniforms like that guy we have who does the health stuff and is called an admiral? How did that happen? An admiral, good for him.
As far as pardoning goes, don’t rule out anything. What I want to know is can you pardon someone before they are charged? That would help a lot. Especially if there’s, you know some kind of fake news investigation of my taxes.
