Killjoy : I would like to thank the Republican National Committee for the robot they sent to answer my questions today. It’s refreshing to see such a high level of give and take that we share in America.
Robot : Thank you for having me.
Killjoy : Some WD-40?
Robot : Thank you, no.
Killjoy : The Republican National Committee has issued a statement that the Jan 6th insurrection mostly involved “good people hoping for constructive dialogue.” Yet the Congressional Committee investigating the incident has been reaching far different conclusions. Would you comment on that, please.
Robot : The committee you mention is an affront to all Americans, or at least to the Americans we can trust. If only we had a Democracy that embraced rather than scorned the electorate, like our gracious leader President Trump did so often and with such class while he was in office.
Though at this time I can’t talk for all Republicans, the good ones will tell you that we remain devoted to our real president. We are excited to have a fuhrer with a great tan who we can trust.
If only we’d elected this great man sooner, maybe we wouldn’t have a climate to worry about … if only Democracy would have let him rule until natural causes came to play, we’d be far better off.
Killjoy : By natural causes, are you suggesting something like senility or a McOverdose?
Robot : I’m suggesting that mainstream Republicans feel they’re being ignored in this political culture of namby-pamby coddling of the poor, giving out healthcare for free when so many find it so hard to afford botox … or shall we talk about the Democratic hypocrisy of letting everyone and their dead relatives vote while ignoring the Republican robot minority?
America is feisty. So was January 6th. May I ask, have you ever been to a professional football parking lot before a game? America is proud of its gunslinging history, of its undeniable ‘you vs. me showdown of fair play you’re dead’. In America, it’s your own fault if you choose not to have a weapon.
Killjoy : So what if everyone did have a weapon? What if large groups of black people brandished weapons and asked for change? Would that come under the heading of good people hoping for constructive dialogue?
Robot : No, that would be an insurrection. Look, black people are good people when they try to be. No one has any problem with the black agenda as long as it takes a few hundred years to come to fruition. I’m open, I’ll still be here in a few hundred years, no tin off my nose. But let’s face it, black people only vote for what’s good for themselves. What’s up with that?
Killjoy : So you’re saying that the black agenda is selfish?
Robot : Of course it is, and it’s selfish that they want to take over America. This country is the land of the red, white, and blue. There’s no mention of black that I’m aware of. Like they say in Tennessee – the white is who we are, the red is the sunburn we get working the fields, and the blue is when we choke ya’ for looking at our women.
Killjoy : Will Donald Trump run in 2024, and if he does, do you think he will win?
Robot : I’m all for a Trump/Ivanka ticket. Even with God on his side, Pence is a loser. Apparently, God has room for losers, America does not. Yes, Donald Trump will run and with him comes the braintrust of Rudy Giuliani, Michael Flynn, Sidney Powell and a host of intellectual giants the kind of which this country has never seen before.
And as far as Ivanka goes, who cares what’s real, she’s hot. Although the press has maliciously claimed that her head doesn’t move when she talks or eats, that doesn’t mean she’s one of us. That said, the time is coming soon for a robot to be president