New Lemonade / March 1, 2022

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Hermione Luck / Chief Columnist    

Donja Vu

I really don’t understand how he does it? Let’s start with the whole Ukraine mess. After Russia invades Ukraine using a sledgehammer to squash a butterfly, and with his eye on creating a network of high-rise Comrade Towers throughout Russia and its network of satellites, Donald Trump immediately locates Putin’s behind, plants a kiss on both cheeks, and calls Putin a genius … which if using the same criteria for calling himself a genius, isn’t exactly a compliment.

On the domestic front, as if there’s never enough to satisfy this spoiled child’s gluttonous appetite for power and attention, Trump declares that when he’s reelected, he will pardon those January 6th insurrectionists we’ve all come to love, and then doubles down by imploring his followers to mass protest if he is accused of any crimes. I wasn’t clear on that last part – was he talking about a mass protest with or without AR 15’s?

No really, how does this clown with an orange dunce cap get away with his parlor trick of making the elephant in the room disappear, the elephant being the G.O.P., the grand old party of Eisenhower, Reagan, and Bush that has evaporated before our very eyes? When will the endless procession of Donja Vu (he’s back!) die of its own top-heavy narcissism?

In spite of all the liberal wishful thinking that Trump was scarred by two impeachments, will the era of The Donald only turn out to be Political Covid where Trump wins in 2024, and we’re all then sentenced to wait ad nauseum for a less toxic political deviant to come along that doesn’t require hospitalization? Is Ron DeSantis really less toxic?

Donald Trump, the salesman who swore he’d never profit from office, the salesman who pledged to build a great wall and make Mexico pay for that wall, the salesman who promised never to take those golfing vacations like Obama … deep down, is Trump afraid of becoming a political Willie Loman, who in Death of a Salesman endures a firing, which leads him to create his own fantasy world to cope with his situation?

Sure, Donald, the election was stolen. And the 2024 election will be stolen as well, unless of course, you’re the one who wins.

Donald Trump, the empty vessel with the hollow soul, a petty man with no real moral compass, the prep school brat acting in defeat like we thought he might – a politically wounded animal instinctively diving Code Red into denial only to continue to be a fallen cartoon led by his armadildo brain who as President of the United States told us

On His Daughter Ivanka – “She has a nice figure, and if she weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her” ** “I’m the one who likes golf, but we both like sex” ** “She’d make a great president … she’d make a great playmate”

On The Environment – “Windmills cause ear cancer” ** “There’s no such thing as climate change – it’s just that there’s a cooling and there’s a heating” ** “The ice caps aren’t melting, they’re spreading out”

On Politics – “I like people who weren’t captured” ** “The big difference between me and other political candidates is my women are more beautiful” ** “So many people love me, they really do, they love me … who can blame them?”

On The Pandemic – “It’s apparently one person coming in from China, it’s under control” ** “Covid will disappear like a miracle” ** “What about disinfectant, what about sunlight?” ** “The flu is worse”

On Himself – “I’m a very stable genius” ** “My primary consultant is myself” ** “My I.Q. is one of the highest – I’m like very bright” ** (on Thanksgiving in 2018) “I guess I’m most thankful for myself.”

There is one more quote, an indelible footprint on American society which might partially explain to those in the future the cancer that passes for politics in the 21st century. “I could shoot someone and not lose any voters.” By any standard, that is the most soulless statement ever uttered in American politics. Unfortunately, he was telling the truth.

Donald Trump is trying to murder elections, yet if he runs again, he’ll get 70,000,000 votes. He’ll urge his flock to rant and rave and arrest someone. He’ll pose on elevated stadium podiums with his Mussolini chin-butting and shameless self-licking as if he’s looking in the mirror.

Who in your neighborhood is willing to say out loud not only does the emperor wear no clothes, but the emperor is delusional, a sick puppy, a human knock-off with a schoolyard score to settle. Am I being too blunt? When will the constant war of vitriolic politics fanned by outsized egos and limitless money finally return to the political dumpster from where it came?

Yes, we are all tired of wars – bullet wars, climate wars, culture wars, wars about territory, wars about children, wars about respect. And we’re all tired of costs – the cost of food, the cost of health, the cost of racism, the cost of ignorance. All of us are so tired of so many things that the list seems endless … until we face the bottom of that list and we come to whether we are tired of ourselves.

This political showdown at the I’m Ok, You’re Not OK Corral is a big one. Are we really too tired to participate in local politics? Are we really too broke to donate to causes that confront our biggest fears, like climate change or the slow-moving coup of a right-wing wet dream? Will we fall in line behind the bully in the schoolyard, or will we face up to him knowing it’s the right thing to do?

I’m not talking about being a worthy Republican or Democrat here. I’m asking are we willing to accept the ultra conservative attempt to redefine Democracy and one of its sacrosanct principles – the right to vote? Are we really willing to accept that good people will be left out and disenfranchised because they’re scared of voting in person, or they don’t have the time or energy to jump through the hoops of prejudice and politics? People who earn a living, raise children, perhaps are elderly, all of whom deserve our respect.

I’m wondering will the Left be able to organize effectively after a Republican sweep of all three branches of government, or will neutered progressives become political flotsam as the coveted ecumenical tent of the Democratic party looks in the mirror and sees itself shrinking?

I’m asking whether a gerrymandered future of an unsuspecting public that once sang ‘this land is your land, this land is my land‘ will produce a cul-de-sac of faith with nowhere to go and blood in the streets?

Understand this – the difficult days aren’t even here yet. If Trump wins in 2024 along with a Republican majority, there will be an unprecedented scorched earth policy. Schools will be told what to teach, votes will be counted behind closed doors, judges will be selected with pre-ordained verdicts.

Actually, let’s face it … the Republicans always accuse their friends the Democrats of the exact same thing. That’s the way both sides roll as we all ride this political clown car to an uncertain future.

Prepare yourself. The future may include taking an inventory of where you live. It’s never too early to make sure your town and state matches your gang color.



This land is your land, this land is my land

Baked News

Reporter Agnes Killjoy

Interview with Ron DeSantis

Killjoy : Governor DeSantis, you are running for re-election in Florida in 2022, yet some say you are actually running for the presidency in 2024. Before you went into politics, you had an impressive resume – Magna Cum Laude and captain of the Yale baseball team, teaching high school history, Harvard Law School, military prosecutor. These are mainstream qualifications usually pointing towards the pinnacle of political office, the presidency.

You are clearly conservative, and from all indications, you do not take yourself lightly nor are you allergic to the spotlight. With that in mind, I have two questions to ask you today:

“If re-elected, are you willing to say that you will serve all four years of your second term as Florida’s governor?” … and second, “Why are you associated with so many extremist groups, like Mothers for Milkweed and T.U.R.B.A.?

 DeSantis : I’m glad you asked me that. Yes, I am outspoken, shouldn’t everyone be outspoken? Isn’t that what the first amendment is all about? The god-given right, the ability to speak out loud? Do liberals and their collection of Wall Street whiners want to take that away, too? I assume you are proud to be an American … I’m proud to say it out loud.

Killjoy : Let me repeat my question more directly – will you run for President of the United States while serving as Governor of Florida?

DeSantis : Let me just say who doesn’t want to be president of the United States? What little boy didn’t think about that once in their lives?

Killjoy : I would imagine a lot of little boys of color.

DeSantis : To answer your question, being governor of Florida is sacred to me. If, however, I am called into action for the greater good, as a former member of the military, I would be proud to enlist to make this country whole again.

Killjoy : What about all these extremist groups who support you, like Mothers For Milkweed who believe the recent proliferation in Texas and Florida of monarch butterflies, a species that feeds exclusively on milkweed, signals the approval of God that Donald Trump should be the monarch of the free world, and that you should be his vice-president?

DeSantis : You are taking their views out of context. So they love their monarch butterflies and they also love President Trump. These are not militant people. They pose no threat to anyone.

Killjoy : What about T.U.R.B.A. and their focus on The Unborn’s Right to Bear Arms? They’re but one of many fringe groups that unlike Mothers For Milkweed have been linked to the January 6th insurrection as well as to your politics.

DeSantis : Yes, I’ve heard of them.

Killjoy : This group is saying that fetuses have the right to bear arms to protect themselves, and therefore denied of their rights, there should be no abortion. Even a few prominent members of the N.R.A. have been quoted as saying this works for them.

DeSantis : As I said, I do know of this group, but the media has made them look like they’re from California or something. I could assure you and I guess I have to, they are just ordinary people. Sure, they have their share of AR-15’s, and some are happy when abortion clinics burn down, they get carried away sometimes … don’t we all?

These are good people. They believe in the sanctity of life. They believe there is evil in the world, and they want to protect themselves and those chosen by God to come into this world.

Killjoy : Are you saying you welcome their support?

DeSantis : I’m just doing my best to be your average Harvard graduate who wants voters who’ve been ignored to have a voice … it’s as simple as that. With me, what you see is what you get – no mirrors, no fluff, no excuses for making hard choices. I can be a little ornery sometimes, but if that’s what it takes to get things done, then so be it, I’m your man.

Killjoy : Sounds like you’re running for the presidency.

DeSantis : Just trying to stay in shape.

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Buddha ben Buddha

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Free Speech

The right to be heard does not automatically involve

the right to be taken seriously

We clearly take for granted so much that is sacred, and nothing is more sacred than freedom of speech. But just because you’re allowed to shoot off your mouth on any street corner, doesn’t mean we must respect what you’re saying. You have to earn that right. Freedom of speech may be an entitlement … to be taken seriously is not.


What criteria do you use to take someone seriously?

What criteria do you use to stop listening?

Word Association

(1.) truth ………… debatable // universal // presidential

(2.) fanatic …………. deaf // limited // turn the station

(3.) gossip …………. back stab // fake news // ignore

(4.) fake news ………. self-serving // tapeworm // fatal