Baked News / Dec. 1, 2021

Lemonade-Stand banner

December 1, 2021


Reporter Agner Killjoy

Mr. Trump, you have recently weighed in positively on the mass resignations of police and firemen who refuse to get vaccinated. To clear up any misunderstandings, you’ve been severely critical of police in the past, especially the Washington D.C. police who you called a bunch of wimps. Can you clarify exactly where you stand on the police?

The Mar-A-Lago Response

Trump: First of all, I didn’t call the entire D.C. police force a bunch of wimps. I called the ones who went to the Capitol a bunch of homosexuals, and for good reason. You’re Agnes Killjoy … you worked at Pox once.

Killjoy: Yes, I am. And yes, I was an intern in the Pox News division.

Trump: Agnes … you’re the one who called me the bubble boy, right? They tell me that’s you. We’ll discuss that later with my friends from The Ultimate World Order. As far as the Washington D.C. police force goes, Agnes … you guys bother me, you reporters … people like you Agnes, you’re nobodies reporting about somebodies, and since you’ll always be a nobody, you need to take down a somebody … I don’t think any of you had mothers, I really don’t.

As far as the Washington D.C. police force is concerned, have you allowed yourself to see that website that shows police in dresses practicing flopping as a crowd control device? Ya gotta see this, it’s pathetic. Losers, all of them, losers. Flopping like that’s going to control anything. They were doing the same thing on January 6th at The Great Freedom Rally, except it was all those Washington A.C.D.C. losers.

Killjoy: By Freedom Rally, do you mean The Insurrection, sir?

Trump: No, I mean The Great Freedom Rally. That’s how history will record that day. Are you blind or something? Didn’t you watch it for yourself? All those cops flopping? Where are you from, Agnes – are you part of that Sunday morning clown show Meet The Communists?

Look, as far as the police are concerned, I love the ones who voted for me. The ones who didn’t vote for me, not so much, they’re losers. I’m not the kind of President who represents everyone. That’s just stupid, and believe me, I have college board scores you can’t see to prove I’m not stupid.

And besides, isn’t the only way we’re going to beat the Obama Virus is with herd immunity? Right, herd immunity. So why not let all the cops and firemen go out and get all of us to this herd immunity? Get the community a little sick, people get better, they have their antibodies, they go back to work. What’s the big deal?