Hermione Luck / Chief Columnist
Where Do We Go From Here?
Here is why the Governor’s race in Virginia was so important – the winning candidate, Glenn Youngkin, found a viable Republican formula to beat the Democrats, where he was able to tacitly acknowledge Donald Trump, while remaining sure to keep his distance. The viral subjects of Fake News and a stolen election were clearly avoided.
His main issue involved a parent’s’ role in the classroom, which has catapulted to become a new flashpoint in American culture as we revisit the sociology of Scopes vs. Tennessee.
What was the key to Youngkin’s win? His campaign tapped into the political reality that Joe Biden won the presidency because of an anti-Trump vote with moderates, especially in suburbia, especially with females. And with Trump not on the ticket, a lot of those voters switched back to the Republican alternative because a lot of people want an alternative, any alternative, like really really bad … and Joe isn’t giving it to them.
But let’s face it, the man has enjoyed little help. Covid and its variants, food prices, gas prices, claustrophobic quarantines, supply chain bottlenecks, the black hole of federal debt, China and Russia enjoying their turn at schadenfreude.
Then as icing on the half-baked cake that he’s trying to serve America, poor Joe is saddled with a pathetic Democratic party that continues to perform its circular firing squad routine to the delight of conservatives … the progressives seem intent upon making ‘holier-than-thou’ an art form and pissing-off everybody in the room, while the moderates can’t keep their pants from falling down as they bend over to look for votes.
For me, Biden is the nation’s sacrificial lamb. By 2020, Trump had thoroughly torched the landscape, his biggest sin being that all by himself he somehow made truth negotiable. By the time Trump ran for re-election, as if we’d all been to war, healing became a viable campaign issue for the entire country.
The country clamored for compromise, and indeed the country did need Joe Biden once. But I think we all understand that the country isn’t likely to re-elect him if he chooses to run, mainly because the economy seems to be benefitting only Wall Street and as a Covid society we essentially remain at war with one another.
It isn’t that Biden and Harris have failed. This would have happened no matter whose grandfather we elected. It’s more a matter there was only a snowball’s chance in Hell for a Build Back Better compromise in the first place. The infrastructure bill that emerged from the House is a reminder that promises made when running for office usually reach the finish line like a survivor from a shipwreck plucked from a sea of bickering Congressional self-importance.
So where do the Democrats go from here? Is Biden a viable re-election candidate? Where do the Republicans go from here? Do they really need ‘Trump the candidate’ as opposed to ‘Trump the mouthpiece’? Where does the country go from here? Is bi-partisanship permanently vestigial? These questions are interesting, even relevant, but the bottom line as far as I see it, is how do we begin to right the ship. Where do we go from here?
I wrote a column recently that I shelved because I felt it was too corny. Identifying as a progressive myself, the word corny often meant, you know, Republican. Walt Disney material. Snow Whiter than white. Then again, I thought to myself some of my best friends are Republicans, which sounds enlightened except for the fact I don’t have any best friends.
Here’s that column.
Whether it be Black Lives Matter or Make America Great Again, we’ve been a country of slogans since the first Americans claimed No Taxation Without Representation.
That initial slogan masked our humble beginnings, that we were a country of cast-offs, a country determined to have a different future, a country that felt it had a special destiny, a destiny that made it exceptional.
The fact that Americans are attached at the hip to the vision of being the greatest country in the world, that they are inherently ‘exceptional’, is well-documented. We’ve never strayed far from that opinion of ourselves.
In fact, it’s part of what annoys the rest of the world – not annoyed because we have the strongest military that ever waged a war, but more along the lines that we think we’re pretty much better than everyone else, not just great but the greatest, not just good but the best, you know, the top of the heap … exceptional.
Well, humanity is definitely a heap, that much is clear. And most any culture that’s been on top of their respective heap, or considered themselves exceptional, has experienced a painful fall. Egypt, Greece, Rome, Spain, Britain, the Dutch can attest to that sobering reality. So what can we do about it?
One starting point might be to drop the self-congratulatory shout-out of claiming to be exceptional. Even a significant number of Americans are getting tired of the routine. Obviously, we have major unresolved issues, and we’re currently discovering that these are the kind of issues that sap the life out of greatness.
Maybe it’s time to put greatness on the back burner. Maybe we need a different recipe to achieve our goals. What about making America grateful again? And from there, get on with business. You know, like including everyone.
We seem to have misplaced something important somewhere along the way … the kind of perspective that includes a certain pause, a certain humility … glad I’m here, glad my kids are here with me … I accept there’s work to be done, and I’m ready to chip in. The kind of perspective that demands results. Results. Which puts us where with Congress?
Let’s be capable and not culpable, and maybe when we’re done, we’ll simply let history decide if we’ve fulfilled our expectations of ourselves.
Hermione
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November, 2021
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Reporter Agnes Killjoy
Mr. Trump, Arizona recently passed legislation that took the authority for election related lawsuits away from the secretary of state, currently a Democrat, and gave it to the attorney general, now a Republican, which could potentially enable the overturning of results by a court. Can you comment on this?
The Mar-a-Lago Reply
- You ask, can I comment on this? Can I comment? Sure, I can comment … but that’s a stupid question, don’t you think? I can do anything … I can comment, I can go to the movies, I can ruin someone’s career. It’s a great thing, a very great thing to be able to do anything … and all of America loves seeing me do it. I envy them, being able to watch me.
But first … you called me Mr. Trump and not Mr. President. You know I’m the real president, don’t you? This whole Biden prank is just some Democratic magic trick where they make this elephant disappear. Pretty good trick, actually, but that’s not the point, is it?
The great people of Arizona knew what they were doing. If they didn’t like the results of an election, they had every right to have another one. The last time I looked this is America, isn’t it? If they don’t want to wear masks or get vaccinated, they have every right to infect other people, don’t they? Next question.
Follow-Up / Killjoy addressing Lindsey Graham attached to Mr. Trump
Killjoy : Senator Graham, I notice that your lips seem to be stuck to Mr. Trump’s behind, which you claim inspires you. Many people wonder if this affects your posture on a number of things – is it true you conceive new legislation while in this position?
Senator Graham : Bending over comes naturally to me, so my posture is not affected one bit. As far as new legislation, I’m proud to be of service to my soon to be president again, and frankly the closer I get to his wallet and his undeniable charisma, the more ideas I have to save this country.
The Lemonade Stand
kRIS Krankle / guest columnist
founder of M.I.L.D.E.W.
Men with Intimacy and Learning Disorders Experiencing Women
Perfect Strangers
Look, I either vote Republican or I write in my dog’s name.
Democrats just annoy me, especially the elitist ones who went to Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, and make believe their Porsches cost less than what I earn in five years. I’m more from the trenches where those kind of armchair Democrats only make their appearances to take a selfie.
I believe that people you vote for, need to do a nine to five to earn our respect, that as a nation we are special no matter what Hermione says – we work more, we vacation less, we try harder, we’re wired to give a helping hand. But even with all that said, whenever I go to confession, I find myself pissed … which isn’t a surprise after a lifetime of being pissed.
Like I said, I work my ass off … I go to church on Sundays when I could be watching football on the tube, I do everything right to please what seems like a lot of people … and now when my kids are finally gone, the mortgage is paid, and I haven’t had a heart attack yet, I find myself surrounded by stupid.
In the beginning, I thought to myself what is it with this whole pandemic thing where people don’t wear masks, especially so many of my fellow Republicans? I don’t get it? For one thing, there’s a lot of ugly people out there, don’t you think? My guess is that masks would help to alleviate that problem. And for some of them with bikini threads up their ass on the beach, I would think they’d wear tents.
And not getting vaccinated? These people not wearing masks and not getting vaccinated, these are my people – I know them, I know how they’ve struggled, I know how they feel left behind. Does anyone get it that by dying from Covid, you can’t vote for Trump anymore?
The wife has me watching this Hulu series called Nine Perfect Strangers. First of all, what kind of network wants to call themselves Hulu? Give me a break.
At first, I thought it was going to be some kind of sissy channel, all chick flicks and make-up advice, the kind that should be called Wedgie or The Swirlie Channel. But there are a few cop shows with some rather good-looking women and gratuitous nudity, so I’m good.
And I gotta tell you, I don’t get this ‘binging’ thing. People watch these episodes on Netflix, and Prime, and Hulu for like days in a row? They’re binging on what, hummus and Vodka? Tell me, what kinda job do they have where they can call in sick to watch t.v.? I want that job.
So this Nine Perfect Strangers has all these big movie stars like Nicole Kidman who in her role as a therapist seems like she’s just returned from Venus where they use varnish as a moisturizer. Apparently, the series is about really rich people seeking therapy in order to come to terms with the ghosts in their lives.
That’s what the wife underlined in her notes for me, the ghost thing. She writes all of these program notes before we watch our shows … it’s like homework.
- The quarantine changed everything. The wife and I now watch these cable movies every Friday night before bed. I’m not sure how all that happened? We’ve gone from ESPN to Hulu.
Nine Perfect Strangers is about having money and if you’re willing to pay, you’re able to afford Tranquilium, a kind of Garden of Eden where people come to be healed. Apparently, there are a lot of people these days who need to be healed. I don’t know, in my book, it all seems like get a life. Apparently, that is the point of Tranquilium.
I never realized how much healing has changed … we now have CBD rubbed into your brain replacing communion and the collection plate, retreats where people repeat over and over I love myself, and at Tranquilium you’re given a few micro-doses of psilocybin in your morning breakfast.
And now that we’re halfway through the series, the wife says she wants us to do this micro-dosing as well, these off-ramps from reality as she calls it. I mean, does she remember who she married?
I have no interest whatsoever. I’ve already been to Portland where the whole city is on psilocybin … look how that’s working out. And to be honest, I’m not sure I want to explore any of these so-called ‘offramps’ …
I feel safer on the existential highway in my Buick which allows me to travel on cruise control. And let me tell you, no way the wife does this on her own. For me, it’s a bottom line kind of thing – I don’t want anyone to be checking out her bottom line.
I admit it, I’m not ashamed to say any of this. I don’t want some well-hung shaman to be administering drugs to my wife in some orgy-crazed sex lodge. Aren’t I doing enough? Are we forgetting movie night? And drying the dishes every third week? Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day?
I’m telling you, I’m doing it all.
I’ll tell you who needs to take some hallucinogens – the whole freaking Congress. I want Mitch McConnell to look in the mirror and see a turkey. And Lindsey Graham to see a weasel. And Ted Cruz to look in the mirror and see nothing. I’m a Republican and I still have no idea who these people are, or what they are?
So this Nine Perfect Strangers thing sure stretches my boundaries a bit and I’m doing the best I can even though Nicole Kidman’s Russian accent doesn’t work. It’s like Bill Clinton trying to pretend he’s from England or Christopher Walken trying to act as if he’s not an alien. But I watch because I want to do good by the wife. I feel confident that we’ll solve this whole hallucinogenic brew haha, a spelling I came up with at The Brewhouse.
Although I do admit, I am still trying to figure out what she means by saying our watching these chick series together prevents us from being perfect strangers.
– kRIS
Adversity
Buddha ben Buddha
All human beings can stand adversity, but if you want to test someone’s true character, give this person power
Does power inherently feed on itself, always craving more of the same? Powerful people often monopolize the world and its conversation creating an echo chamber of narrow hallways. The privilege to be heard does not automatically confer the privilege of being correct.
Question: Do males and females exercise power differently? List the similarities and differences in the way males and females exercise power.
WORD ASSOCIATION
apply the first word to each of the following three
(1.) adversity … challenge / unfair / relative
(2.) prosperity … opportunity / greed / deceptive
(3.) apology … vulnerability / connection / opening
(4.) control … necessity / illusion / leash