Baked News / November, 2021

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November 15, 2021


Reporter Agnes Killjoy

Mr. Trump, Arizona recently passed legislation that took the authority for election related lawsuits away from the secretary of state, currently a Democrat, and gave it to the attorney general, now a Republican, which could potentially enable the overturning of results by a court. Can you comment on this?

The Mar-a-Lago Reply

You ask, can I comment on this? Can I comment?  Sure, I can comment … but that’s a stupid question, don’t you think? I can do anything … I can comment, I can go to the movies, I can ruin someone’s career. It’s a great thing, a very great thing to be able to do anything … and all of America loves seeing me do it. I envy them, being able to watch me.

But first … you called me Mr. Trump and not Mr. President. You know I’m the real president, don’t you? This whole Biden prank is just some Democratic magic trick where they make this elephant disappear. Pretty good trick, actually, but that’s not the point, is it?

The great people of Arizona knew what they were doing. If they didn’t like the results of an election, they had every right to have another one. The last time I looked this is America, isn’t it? If they don’t want to wear masks or get vaccinated, they have every right to infect other people, don’t they? Next question.

Follow-Up / Killjoy addressing Lindsey Graham attached to Mr. Trump

Killjoy : Senator Graham, I notice that your lips seem to be stuck to Mr. Trump’s behind, which you claim inspires you. Many people wonder if this affects your posture on a number of things – is it true you conceive new legislation while in this position?

Senator Graham : Bending over comes naturally to me, so my posture is not affected one bit. As far as new legislation, I’m proud to be of service to my soon to be president again, and frankly the closer I get to his wallet and his undeniable charisma, the more ideas I have to save this country.