Issue 7 / May 8, 2020

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Hermione Luck / Chief Columnist


Something to think about

A few of our readers have expressed their distress regarding the current Supreme Court review of the Trump Administration’s assertion that the President cannot be convicted of a crime while in office. Remember Trump claiming he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue? Many question whether this confirms that Trumpian rule is a harbinger of coming Fascism.

Technically, according to the experts, the current President and his view of presidential power is not Fascist – Trump does not reject democracy nor does he currently push for the overthrow of the government; he does not emphasize violence (if you say so); he is not an anti-individualist.

These experts argue that this makes Trump more of a ‘right-wing populist.’ However, there are three basic layers found in any fascist regime to also consider:  

1) a Fascist leader depends upon a small and loyal inner circle that he has personally groomed                                                                                         

(2) foot soldiers and “true believers” who enforce the ideology are vital components of power

3) a lip service group tags along either because of fear, convenience, or access to power

  • You be the judge – a small inner circle?
    Jared, Ivanka, Hannity, Bannon, Miller. Check.
    True believers? Tennessee, Florida, Texas. Check.
    A lip service group? Refer to the lip prints on Trump’s ass.
  • Lindsey Graham shame on you. Check.

Trump may not reject Democracy, that is as long as the votes are in his favor. What would he do if the votes were not in his favor? Would he try to change them? Would he ever admit defeat?  He wouldn’t dare push for the overthrow of the government, or would he? Probably not if he served three terms like some of his supporters suggest. But what if he doesn’t win reelection? Once again, you be the judge. 

Something to celebrate….

Great news – the deli chain, Goy To The World, has announced if you want to treat yourself during the pain of being stay-in-place, have ShiksaHub deliver the kind of sandwich that you remember when people were free to sit in restaurants and gain weight.  

The specialty that put Goy To The World on the map is their Nachaswurst sausage, featuring tiny imprints of parents admiring their children on the skin … but there are so many additional choices to consider that will tickle your tuchus.

(1)  The Yentatainer – wholesale grilled whitefish on a toasted everything bagel with red onion, Romaine, and dill-horseradish. Rumors and garnish free of charge. 

(2)  The Lily Von Shtoop – a tribute to Mel Brooks, corned beef with homemade sauerkraut … not the first course, not the last course, the intercourse.

(3)  The Why Buy Retail – cheap. Pastrami on day old bread … when it’s heated with some good mustard, what’s there not to like?

(4)  The Plotz Thickens – Brooklyn pastrami, Texas bacon, Black Forest ham, and Genoa salami … if you can eat these international meats fried together, and prove that you didn’t plotz, the next one is 30% off.  

(5)  The Farcockt – a herring anchovy gefiltefish salad on rye bread/ antacid provided … if you skip the antacid, you’re farcockt.

In conclusion … there is never enough soap to wash away loneliness, but there’s always enough deli to put loneliness in its place.

Yiddish Vocabulary

goy – male non-Jew

shiksa – female non-Jew

 tuchus – rear end

kvetch – to complain

nachas – pride in your children

yenta – matchmaker, gossip

shtoop (shtup) – fornicate

plotz – to collapse

farcockt – f#*ked up

Practice safe friendship,



Baked News block

May 8, 2020


White House Briefing

Correspondent Agnes Killjoy


Mr. President, Ronald Reagan was once quoted as saying, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the Government, and I’m here to help.’”

You are a proponent of small government, sir. Yet, are the challenges posed by a pandemic too large of a problem for state governments to solve? Unlike the Federal Government, they cannot print their own money to escape their financial distress.

Is there indeed a problem, if not a number of problems, that can only be solved by the leadership, vision, and funding of the Federal Government?

The Trump Response 


Look, I like big, o.k.? I’ve always liked big even if one is bigger than the other. But when it comes to government, less is more. That’s right, less is more, way way more, in so many ways which has nothing to do with my hands.

When it comes to socialism, let’s face it, it’s a huge mess. Huge. And another thing that’s big is all that fake news from those countries like Sweden, Norway, and the one with the dike people – they’re not happy, I can guarantee you that.

It’s sad really. So what if they can get a free education and free medical – can they afford a Cadillac? Do they eat at good restaurants or do they have to eat fish all day? I mean, there’s so much that people don’t know. Not me, but there’s so many people who don’t know a lot. Actually, I love that about them.

Someone once said about communism, which by the way is the same thing as socialism – the scholars are wrong about that – someone said, what everyone understands in communist countries is the adage

“We’ll pretend to pay you, if you pretend to work.”

  • I wish I had come up with that.
  • I probably did, but just don’t remember that I did.
  • I’ve come up with so many things I don’t remember.

At one time or another, I’ve probably come up with just about everything there is to come up with. Sometimes it’s a burden having the kind of I.Q. that I have. Someone once told me I needed to get my head weighed. I wonder how they do that?

The Federal Government can only do so much. The states need to pony up, or maybe all the guys who claim they have more money than I do can pony up. Let Buffett and Gates and Bezos bail out everyone if they’re so upset.

I agree with Jared – stop all the whining – we’ve done enough because we say so. Who are you going to believe, me or the media?


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